Yesterday, I spent almost 3 hours consecutively playing a game… I took a total of 3 hours, from 11pm plus to around 2am plus. By the time I finished and look at the time before I fall asleep, it was already 2:37am. Sure enough, I am very tired now. I seldom sleep late and I know it is bad for my health as I am not used to it.
By God’s grace, God showed me a few things. Though I did not sleep early and did not prepare well for Sunday service, I was the one who open the door at church. I was not very early but I was the one who opened the door! I guessed this is the first time I opened the door on a Sunday. I thought I would be dead tired during Sunday service. By God’s grace, I was very attentive. In fact, by God’s help, I refrained from playing with my phone during service. I just wanted to have my heart and attention 100%.
In fact, today’s Sunday message is very important. After listening to the Immanuel message for so long, I realized that there are some important truths I have to come back to. It is not that I need to continue to fill my mind with different and fresh doctrines. It is the never-changing truths that I always need to come back to. I remembered it was like the first 3 years when I was back in Singapore from US being the most significant. At last, I was able to attend church meetings regularly in quantities each week and it was my goal more than to do well in music. However, I sort of became “lose”. Have I lost my passion somehow? What kind of passion have I lost? Maybe the only thing I have to hold on to, I have not been holding on to it tightly. It might be that I am looking upon the promises of God, the covenant with God with less and less importance. I have allowed colorful things that pass by my life take my attention away.
Want to pen down my thoughts on a recent event:
Recently, something “big” happened at my M school where I teach. It is a Christian school. A senior administer officer resigned from the school. I sensed that there are some complicated things involved. It was not just a simple resignation. She left and her responsibilities were passed on to another staff with immediate effect. Thus, that night, knowing that she left, I prayed for her that God would comfort her no matter what happened. Surely, she may be hurt. I know that in the past, she has done many mistakes and some very major ones. Somehow, she was able to get away with all those. I guessed there was some grace in a Christian school. I am not in a place to judge whether the resignation is the best solution.
The principal sent an email to all teachers to inform us of the officer’s resignation. What surprised me the day after was that the officer wrote an email back to everyone, including pastors and church leaders, to say in details of her forced resignation. I sensed that she was trying to backfire at the principal and some teachers at the school. The vice-principal has to send another email to calm down all teachers. I guessed some people replied that email and shared their thoughts and opinions about what she said.
The principal tried her best to lead the school. I believed when she said she prayed to want to find out what is the best for the school that was the result. I was quite disturbed by what the officer said in the email. I remembered that I have prayed for her. Yet, there were unpleasant things being mentioned. I have no idea who is in the right or wrong. I think in a Christian school, picking out the one in the wrong really hurts. Hmm. Or maybe a Christian school is not like a church. Somehow, after all these years in my church, I know that I myself have been given lots of grace by God through my brethren.
At the close of this event, I wonder what is going to happen next. I believe the parties involve themselves have to face God uprightly. How I wish I have the answers and have things to share to either parties. But maybe in my role, my prayers for the school, is the best thing I can do. That being said, it weighs down to whether I am standing upon God’s covenant to look at this event.
In the past, I used to pray and believe in my heart the places where God place me in at the 2 music schools where I go are the places God will teach my all I need to learn. I pray to meet and bless people there. Somehow, I don’t know if that heart is still there. I guess it is but maybe it is not that important to me. But I also wonder what is important to me.
I have to drag my feet to L school. I just go teach at M school and don’t think that much about other things. Hmm. The dream of having my own music school? Hmm. Not moving an inch closer to that at all.
Eeks. Need to come back to build my life upon the promises of God.
May you find all the answers and meaning to everything you do in the center plan of God (Promise) in your life.
There is only happiness and meaning when we our hearts are resolute on what truly lasts.